24 February 2009

40 More Days of the What-Ifs....Hopefully!

Seeing as how tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, we've got a good 40 days until our baby girl arrives.

For the most part, I've been pretty good at staying calm, cool and collected throughout this pregnancy. I do have my moments, however, when my mind starts to play the What-If game. It keeps me up at night, distracts my mind while I'm talking to someone, and gives me mini-panic attacks during our childbirth classes.

When I see pictures of newborn babies in the hospital, I get a little nervous. And by nervous, I mean woozy, anxious, and sometimes a bit on the nauseous side. My mind starts buzzing with What-If scenarios. What if she comes out crying and doesn't want to stop and EVERYONE is staring at me thinking, "Um, hello, she's your daughter, can't you calm her down?" What if she cries in the middle of the night and we sleep right through it? What if she doesn't like my milk? What if none of the clothes we have for her fit her? And, oh, I shudder at the thought, what if she looks more like David than me? (Okay, I never said these were rational thoughts.)

I know deep down that David and I are ready for our baby girl to arrive. No, our glider chair isn't in yet and no, the shelves aren't up on the walls, and no, David doesn't know how to change a diaper and I don't know exactly how to breastfeed a baby. But, I guess most first-time parents are the same way. We're ready to meet her, to get to know her, and love her, and yes, even sacrifice more than a few hours of precious sleep for her. I'm willing to wait the 40 days...and I sometimes even welcome them, so that we can get those shelves up and, I don't know, DECIDE ON A NAME! But, I am looking forward to the What-If game being over.

Oh Lord, What if the What If game continues through infancy?!

5 comments:

Marissa and Scott said...

You and David will be WONDERFUL parents! Every parent learns as they go, even if it's not your first child, so don't worry, your little girl will teach you everything. And the what-if game doesn't stop when they're born. It goes on and on (and on....). I'd say probably for their entire lives. Think about the way our mothers still worry about us and we're adults. Fortunately, all that what-if stuff is more than worth it. Being a mom is the most rewarding, humbling, euphoric, stressful, thing you'll ever do. And you'll love it! :) Can't wait to meet my niece. Love you both and I can't wait to see what wonderful parents you blossom into when you finally get to meet her.

Jillian said...

I second Marissa's comment and would like to add, that YES many things are HARD at first. Just don't be afraid to ask for help from any number of invaluable resources out there. For me it was La Leche League, or the BOOB NAZIS as they're known in my house.
And NEVER be afraid to say to someone who might be trying to push their opinion onto you, NO this is how WE'RE doing it. Thankyouverymuch.

Caroline said...

mini coops will be here soon! we can finally email about baby stuff now and not just about fnl and lost.

Lauren said...

Now, I have never been pregnant nor do I have any children myself, so I have no wisdom or experience to offer you on this post. However, I have complete faith that you and David will be amazing parents and will learn so many things and grow every single day during parenthood. Babies cry..of course... stuff happens, but at the end of the day it all comes down to how much love you shower your children with and how you mold them into the wonderful people they will become. That's what really matters- and that's what they'll remember.

Irma said...

You’re 'what if' thoughts are very normal...and you will have them the rest of your life! Your new parenthood does not come with a 'how to' book and neither does your child. Don't worry; your child will guide you as to what kind of parent she needs. Your's and David's job is to help her become the best version of the person she is meant to be. I know you two will do a wonderful job.